It’s enough already. It’s enough of being second choice (being last choice?). It’s enough of feeling like I’m not good enough; like what I can offer isn’t good enough. Finally I had someone in my life that made me feel like I was worth something. As soon as I don’t go as far as he wants me to go, it’s Ditchville for me. Fuck this, why do I even try? All I do is get my hopes up. I open the door to my heart and people take that as invitation to fuck with it. Is it too much to ask for someone who will honestly like being with me, holding me and not expecting a reward for it? It’s enough already.
You know that moment your heart is sinking and you have no one to turn to but so much you need to talk about? I hate feeling hopeless. I hate knowing that he doesn’t like me, and not only that, but doesn’t care and has lost respect for me. He doesn’t know me. But even though he plays me, flirts with me, and knows how much I like him, he doesn’t care to give me a chance. That’s all I ever wanted. Now one of my best friends has a potential boyfriend, my other best friend is in Mexico, and my other best friends just can’t understand. Maybe no one can. This is a typical problem I know, but why can’t I just stop liking him? Just one date. Just an hour of talking so you can see that maybe somewhere inside me there’s something redeemable. Off to random parties to fool around with random-er guys until I get over him. Gotta love being fucked up.
